Wanna_hold_on_an_feel_i_belong's Xanga

Got a new one!

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:05:35 GMT

Hey guys --

So, I just wanted to let everyone know that I got a new Blog where I'm posting all of my thoughts and stuff. It's http://elyonsstrength314.blogspot.com/. The nice thing about it is that you don't have to be a member to read and leave comments and stuff :) lol. I'm not here as much, and it's just a hassle to do it on Facebook. So, I now have a Blogspot. I'm going to start working on transferring everything from my Facebook and here to there.

Hope to see you all there! love you all!
~Nickie

The guilt is back..

Mon, 26 May 2008 22:10:05 GMT

Step one, you say we need to talk
He walks,
you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right,
As he goes left and you stay right,
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Who Knew - Pink

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me
You'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
'Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew?

Remember when
We were such fools
And so convinced
And just too cool
Oh no,
No no.
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you a friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew?

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened?

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish

Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember

But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep

My darling

Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My Darling
Who Knew

Who knew...

Who knew???

Will the pain ever stop? What if the only way to peace is through ultimate pain? Why? Why do these things keep happening? Just when I think that I'm getting better...I can't believe it. I just can't believe it...

WHY????????

Hey look it's a murder...hey look it!!

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:29:38 GMT

hahahahahahahaha, hey guys!! I'm back on Xanga!! *gasp*. lol. I'll mostly be using it as a channel for my Facebook (so for those of you who aren't my friend on there, it's Nee-ki Smolley), because the notes app on Facebook is kinda dumb! so..yeah!! lol. For updates and stuff like that..go to my Facebook!!

ANYWAY! I have another rambling to post, so here we go! This one I entitled "If My People Called By My Name"...so, here we go!!

If My People Called By My Name..

a.k.a, prayer!

I stinkin LOVE Casting Crowns. Love them. We share a lot of soap boxes, only they choose to sing about them rather than just write about them. If I could sing, I would too. Anyway, they sing about some pretty controversial topics, and I like that. It's something fresh. Something other than the stupid "Baby I love you, please don't leave me, I'll die without you" crap that gets produced every day (granted they are a Christian band, but still..you get my point). There's only so many ways to say the same thing over and over and over until you're...well, saying the same thing over and over and over!

Anyway, "What If His People Prayed" is one of my favorite (if you can say that) Casting Crowns songs. Lyrics!

What If His People Prayed - Casting Crowns

"What if the armies of the Lord
Picked up and dusted off their swords?
Vowed to set the captives free?
And not let Satan have one more?

What if the church for heaven's sake
Finally stepped up to the plate?
Took and stand upon God's promise
And stormed hell's rusty gates?!

What if His people prayed?
And those who bear His name
Would humbly seek His face?
And turn from their own way

And what would happen if we prayed
For those raised up to lead the way?
Then maybe kids in school could pray
And unborn children see light of day

What if the life that we pursue
Came from a hunger for the truth?
What if the family turned to Jesus
Stopped asking Oprah what to do!

What if His people prayed?
And those who bear His name
Would humbly seek His face?
And turn from their own way

He said that they would hear
His promise has been made
He’s answered loud and clear, Yeah
If only we would pray

If My people called by My name..
If they'll humble themselves and pray..
If My people called by My name..
If they'll humble themselves and pray..

What if His people prayed?
And those who bear His name
Would humbly seek His face, Yeah?
And turn from their own way

He said that they would hear
His promise has been made
He’s answered loud and clear, Yeah
If only we would pray

What if His people prayed??"

SO! This is something I've been recently convicted of myself. What if we (Christians) stopped just acknowledging whats wrong in the world and did something? What if 50 Christians gathered every day..or even every week and prayed for one topic (btw, 50 Christians is roughly the equivalant to both House Party's and D-Group)? Imagine the changes that would happen. In Darfur. In Iraq. In the US. In our elections. In our states. In our towns. In our neighborhoods, in our families. In ourselves. Imagine the crime rates. Imagine the teen pregnancy and suicide rates. All of that can make a complete turnaround by something simple - prayer.

'Cause think about it, prayer shouldn't be that difficult, right? All it really is is talking to God. I mean, come on, my math is harder than that.

But then why is it so hard?

I'm no prayer warrior, trust me. 99% of what I write to you guys is something either I have or am currently struggling with. Prayer is actually where I'm weakest in terms of my faith. Part of it is my pride. Part of it is I'm finally learning how.

Some people hype up prayer to be this big mystical thing and that there's a certain way to pray, and only that way is the right way, otherwise God won't accept your prayer. There must be Thee's and Thou's and Thine's and He must be addressed as "Oh Sovereign Lord", but never anything personal.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that any of that is a bad thing..but prayer is not a set of Do's and Don'ts that you have to follow. It's not this big mystical thing that at any moment could have you doing some outlandish, wild thing. It's a form of communication to our Heavenly Father. I think Nancy actually described it best 3 weeks ago when she was talking to the kids in RealKids about prayer. She illustrated it as talking to her Best Friend. How do you talk to your best friend? I was just like...wow. That's good.

Personally, I've started calling Him "Daddy" and "Elyon" because He is my Daddy and Elyon comes from a Ted Dekker book where Daddy was made very real to me. I guess Daddy kinda does too. And I talk to Daddy just like I would talk to Sam or Carrie or Tami or Kelly..because He is my best friend. And I can be myself around my best friends... or any of my friends for that matter.

So...yes. That's my tirade on prayer..if you have any questions, message me, call me...instant message me...I'm pretty much an open book :)

~Nickie

So take these words..and sing aloud...'cause everyone is forgiven now!

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 19:54:57 GMT

Hey all, what's up? I'm doing okay..I'm so totally exhasted, but the memories are all worth it! Steve, Julie and Benjamin came and stayed the week with us, and it was alot of fun! Late nights...early mornings..Spanish finals..snow storms..Christmas gift exchange...wierd dreams..what more could you ask for??? ahahaahahaa...

So, I've been thinking alot recently. Just really looking back over the past year. These last few months and January will be/have been alot of one year marks for me. Some of them have been fun. Others, not so much, a few have been even painful. Needless to say, I'm ready for 2008. Bring it on! I really haven't enjoyed 2007. It had it's beautiful moments, but there was alot of pain...

My song for the new year is Welcome Home - Shaun Groves. It's old, but amazing. I cried when I heard it a couple of weeks ago...

Enjoy!

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I've buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me
Come decorate, Lord
Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain
Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning
Every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I'm overwhelmed, I understand
I can't make this place all that You can

Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

I took this space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Yes..an amazing song...I love it alot alot!

Had the kids Christmas musical today at church. I've been helping Dianne with it, and I now have a MUCH MUCH deeper understanding and respect and appreciation for Mrs. Flatland (not that I didn't already). I had one kid tell me that I could direct a play...I was like "Umm..no!". You try getting 60 1-5 graders to shut up and pay attention...holy crap! I LOVE YOU MRS. FLATLAND!!!!!

Alright my dear friends..my time on the computadora is done! Breanna now wants on here and I'm downloading Albi...ahahahahaha...leave me comments! What's with people not leaving me any comments????????

Gosh!

Love you all!
~Foolery

So I'm breaking the habit...tonight!

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 04:23:48 GMT

WOO..got that song stuck in my head! It's not even funny! lol.

How's everyone? I'm doing FABULOSO! lol..so, my mom told me to get on here and update, so, I am! You know it's sad when my mother dearest is telling me to update..oh well!

The play went amazing! Had a couple of trip-ups, but hey, what can I say? it was amazing.

was sick last week. Bree got sick during the play, and then Mom's been sick.

Last night was the cast party, which was so cool! After the Co-op, we all caravaned over to Carrie's house (us girls, that is, lol), and chilled over there...it was a good time! Bree and I had to leave at 11 because of this ridiculus ice storm. ugh! it bugs me.

over it!

so...yes..that has been my past monthish in a nut shell. I ended up quitting my job for various reasons...but it's all good:)

Tomorrow, I'm going to go to Sundown with the Langs, Churchs, Maloneys, Shelby Hofmaster (?), and a few other people. I'm pumped! Never snow boarded in my LIFE! But, I'm pumped! lol.

okay..well, I must be off..I need to sleep!

Farewell! Leave me comments!

Love you all!

~Foolery

Update...

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 01:26:04 GMT

Wow..it's been a while since I've updated...let's see..

I have a job now. At Cottage Grove Place. I'm a server. The food and people are pretty much AMAZING! They really put a smile on my face, and make my day when it's not going well...well:)

Also! We are currently HOUSEHUNTING in MARION. Can anyone say WOOOOOOOOOHHOOOOOOO!!!???? I'm so excited! We went and looked at 2 houses today, one on Daleview and the other on Pleasantview. None of us were really impressed with the Daleview one, and Dad doesn't like the Pleasantview one...so we're still looking. It's really amazing how all of this is coming together. I'm loving watching everything unfold!

Henry's party is tomorrow night..so excited! I'm gonna go after I get off of work..lookin' forward to that...

The play is in motion, and is totally awesome! We only have 3 practices left and then dress rehersal week..it makes me sad inside :'(. After this play, I only have one more play I can be in!! :'(

Alrighty...I think that is all I have to update on..I have a cold...as if that's even remotely interesting or exciting...lol.

Song!

6 Feet from the edge - Creed

Please come love

I think I'm falling

Holding on to all I think is safe

It seems I've found the road to no where

And i'm trying to escape

I yelled back when I heard thunder

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say...

Hold me now

I'm 6 feet from the edge

And I'm thinkin

Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down

I'm lookin down

Now that its over

Reflecting on all of my mistakes

I thought I found the road to somewhere

Somewhere in His grace

I cried out

Heaven save me

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say

Let me say

Let me say..

Hold me now

I'm 6 feet from the edge

And I'm thinkin

Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down
(repeat)

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me

Well I still believe there's something there for me

So please come stay with me

Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me...

you an me...you and me

Hold me now

I'm 6 feet from the edge

And I'm thinkin

Hold me now

I'm 6 feet from the edge

And I'm thinkin

Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down....
(repeat)

Please come now

I think I'm falling

Holding on to all I think is safe...

Alright, tell me what you think! (Brea, we already know what you think!)

Love you all!
~Foolery

Most beautiful songs in the world...

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 23:21:03 GMT

So, I heard this first song on the radio for the first time yesterday morning on my way to See You At The Pole. It brought me to tears. It's Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Tell me what you think.

When I see your smile,

Tears roll down my face.

I can't replace.

And now that I'm strong, I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know, I'll find, deep inside me, I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
[Your Guardian Angel lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

'Cause you're my, you're my, my, my, my true love,
My whole heart, please don't throw that away.
Because I am here, for you.
Please don't walk away, and please tell me you'll stay.

Whoa-oh-oh
Stay
Whoa-oh-oh

Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill.
And I know I'll be okay, though my skies are turning gray.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

The next one is the newest one by Jordan Sparks, the American Idol winner. I heard it last week sometime and fell in love with it...it speaks for me what I cannot. So, here it is. Tell me what you think.

Tatoo - Jordan Sparks

No matter what you say about love,
I keep coming back for more,
Keep my head in the fire,
Sooner or later I get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn everytime I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger
I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
and then change my mind
sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
i realize nothing's broken
no need to worry about everything i've done
lived every second like it was my last one
don't look back at a new direction
i loved you once, needed protection
you're still a part of everything i do
you're on my heart just like a tattoo, just like a tattoo
i'll always have you

I'm sick of playing all of these games
its not about taking sides
when I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
it hurt enough to think i could stop
admit that i'm wrong and then change my mind
sorry but i've gotta be strong and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
i realize nothings broken
no need to worry about everything i've done
live every second like it was my last one
don't look back at a new direction
i loved you once, needed protection
still a part of everything i do
your on my heart just like a tattoo, just like a tattoo
i'll always have you

if i live every moment,
won't change any moment,
still a part of me in you
i will never regret you
still the memory of you
marks everything i do.
oooh..

I can't waste time so give it a moment
i realize nothings broken
no need to worry about everything i've done
live every second like it was my last one
don't look back at a new direction
i loved you once needed protection
your still a part of everything I do
your on my heart just like a tattoo,

cant waste time so give it a moment
i realized nothings broken
no need to worry about everything i've done
live every second like its my last one
don't look back at a new direction
i loved you once needed protection
your still a part of everything I do
your on my heart just like a tattoo,
just like a tattoo i'll always have you

This last one is by Daughtry. I heard it right after I got back from St. Louis...and, well, it means alot to me. So, here it is. Tell me what you think.

Over you - Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

So, there you have it folks. There my thoughful 2 cents for the day.

On a lighter note...

FaithFest this weekend! I'm SO STINKEN EXCITED! Carrie and I are gonna rock;). Kiersten comes home this weekend, which makes me extremely happy.

Jenai, I'm still looking for your homecoming pic! I will get it, I promise!

Alrighty homeslices...I need to go...leave me comments!

Love you all!

~Foolery

Let's go Ebekenezer!

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 15:16:01 GMT

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! Play practice last night was AMAZING! I'm sooooo stinkin excited!!

Well, sry it's been so long since I last posted you guys...I've been hectically busy and then it didn't help that our compy is being a butt! ARGH! I'm at the church right now, with Tami and Vicki. We're pulling some stuff together for a church event tomorrow night!

AAAAANNNNNDDDDD...*drumroll*

WE GOT A PUPPY!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!

'course, most of you know that already, especially Alee:P lol.

She's a Shih Tzu (pronounced Shid Zoo), and her name is Tillie. She looks like an Ewok. Once our compy is back in working order, I will have pictures!

CIY was AMAZING! I can't type everything in right now for the sake of time, but if anyone wants to hear about it, just let me know! We're doing the ONES program on Wednesday nights at Eastview and I'm SO STINKIN EXCITED! OHH! It's gonna be a good time! OH!

...k, I'm better now.

St. Louis was also AMAZING. For the sake of time I can't type that in either, but it was amazing and...interesting. Definately like Chicago in so many ways, but not like it in so many other ways. If anyone wants to hear about that, let me know as well. Once the comy is in working order, I will put St. Louis on here too. And CIY.

Hannah came over yesterday afternoon. Which was awesome! I've missed her soo much. It was great to talk and relive old memories...

I'm so glad that classes have started! YAYAYAYAYAY!

Ok, well, I need to go...sry it's so short, but I've got work to do! ...I think.

Love you all!

~Foolery

Sam...let me ask you this...just what exactly do you plan on doing to me in your bed???

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 03:53:21 GMT

COURTNEY! I LOVE YOU! even if you did break my heart! lol.

Hey guys, whats up? I'm doin' FABULOSO! lol...

"Is this Spanish?" "ummm..no". lol

Last night was Nai's party...had a BLAST! WOO!

And..whenever I find the cord to my camera, I'll post pictures!!

So, I'm tired and need some sleep, so I'm getting off!

LOVE YOU ALL

~Foolery

I'm home!

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 15:52:29 GMT

Hey guys, wat up?? Not much here...driving in the car with my father for 10 hours is...interesting. To start with, Dad decided that since it was just him and me, we would stop in Lawrence, Kansas at Kansas University, where he wants to go to Law School. The Popo man wasn't very helpful in directing us to the Law department, and so we wandered around the campus for about 45 mins. We finally found it, scrounged for some batteries for my camera, and went and snapped a couple of pics. Went to the KU bookstore...was in there for like, an hour. Dad was in heaven, I swear. I had to drag him to the cash register. Left there and Mom calls. "Are you guys to Kansas City yet?" "ummmm...no." "where are you??" "Lawrence, KS???...more specificly, the KU parking lot??" "WHY?"

lol, that was an interesting convo. Mom wanted me to get some sleep so that I could drive and Dad could sleep, so I popped in Superchic[k] and tried to sleep. Superchic[k] ended and I heard Dad pop in another CD. Lemme just say this about this particular CD...

29 tracks of Johnny Cash

Hymns and Country

MY FATHER SINGING TO EVERY SONG

MY FATHER BELTING OUT "RING OF FIRE"

The Holleys are laughing right about now.

I was ready to jump out of the car.

No, I really love my Daddy. lol. We had some good laughs. I didn't sleep the rest of the way.

Des Moines, we stopped to get some gas and energy drinks. I drove the rest of the way and Dad read some papers he got from KU.

So, I'm now home. Tired, but oh so happy to be home!

Kansas was good and Grandpa's service was nice. Grandma started crying yesterday when Dad and I said our goodbyes. Dad did the service and yesterday Grandma asked him if he would do her service when she left. Dad and I both just about started crying. Dad told her that he needed at least 10 years notice. She said that she wasn't going until she was 100, so that gave him 15 years. I just sat there going "Oh my gosh". It was awkward.

Well, I need to go. I need to shower and go to the library and go and get Nai's present...

LOVE YOU ALL! Leave me comments!

~Foolery